bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
did i just pee glitter
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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