I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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