the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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