Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
