Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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