Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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