went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
