Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
