She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
