I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Randomize
