We named our party play list daddy issues
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
