I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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