Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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