the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I supernannyed him into submission
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
