Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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