OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
