ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
