I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
