I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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