just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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