and you said cock pushups were impossible
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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