I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
