I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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