you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
