I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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