when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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