Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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