hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
