If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
