Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
