Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
