dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
