census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
