So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
