she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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