There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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