Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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