I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Couch. On fire.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
