my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize