Tell her she can't have a vagina
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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