You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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