i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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