Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize