Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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