we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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