Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
