I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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