Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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