White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
