fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
