Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
