The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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