just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
