We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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