you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Come share oat with me in your robe
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize