I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
