My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
