ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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