Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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