ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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