woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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