my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
