he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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