Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Are my feet made of real feet?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
