Someone shit on the floor
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Randomize
