I feel like abortions should bother me more
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
