eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
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