Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
