It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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