I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
