Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
