I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
