he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We got so high we made milksteak
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
