do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
