Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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