Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
