I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
