Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Rumble strips road head = magical
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
