It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
