google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
