Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
