Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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