i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
