i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
