Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize