I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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