When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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