I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
