i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
porn star boner night. come get it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
