And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
God, I missed his penis.
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