Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
