I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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