He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
