Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's blow job season.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
