i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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