I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
