the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
