I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
