We won't sleep together?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
