After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
