A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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