Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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